Work...

So many odd events led up to the end of this dream that I can't remember, I only remember the last scene.

I'm at an office Christmas party, and I think it's Delta. Some people are very upset, very sad. They were just told they are being fired and replaced with Indian contractors. Somehow I know that there are some openings for which I am being considered.

Two Indian contractors walk up to me, a man and a woman, they are both very nice. They congratulate me and welcome me to the team. I'm very happy. I stammer out that I didn't know if I'd get the job, but I guess this means I did. The guy goes on about how he's happy to be working with me, and says he knows I'm good at structs, and I reply, saying stuff about SMI and ST.

As the party breaks up and we're walking away talking, I'm nervous about what I say in case he decides I'm not very smart after all and decides not to take me. He senses this, and explains that I shouldn't worry, since I'm not in the same category as the other people that were let go, and that they're looking forward to working with me, and they've only heard good things about me.

I wake up very frustrated and can't get back to sleep. I think about how everyone always tells me that... how good I am, how they had looked forward to working with me, etc. And yet for years I have been under-utilized, un-promoted, and now I'm out of a job. I wish people wouldn't tell me that, since now I believe it's probably not true. If it was I wouldn't be out of work while I look around and see people I have long considered to be "faking it" to go on working, and hear others sing their praises. Makes me think that people must get a "collective conscience" type of idea on how good or bad someone is, and just work from that, even though closer examination could reveal the truth.

But since it's 4:30 a.m. and I've been awake for an hour and will probably be awake for the duration....I guess I'll post this and get some coffee.